Feeling the love

First off ... Tiki has a new mom.  More on that in a later post ...

I want to touch a little bit on how amazing my "kids" are.  When my husband I made the decision to move to California, I'm not going to lie.  I was feeling a little bit "unloved".  A huge fight with a great friend, a big fight with my family, good clients leaving my lesson program ... I was feeling a little bit like, "What have I got to lose"?  Well, as time has progressed and we've begun this process, I am being reminded that I AM loved.  A lot.  And it makes me so happy and I feel so blessed to have these amazing people in my life.

Words cannot even express the emotion I'm feeling as I read all the letters and cards that my girls and even my kid's parents are giving me.  I'm realizing I have COMPLETELY underestimated the impact I've had on people's lives.  I've been doing what I do for 16 years.  Whoa!  Can't even believe that!  To bring things full circle, I've had a young woman shadowing me for last month that I actually TAUGHT back then, when I was 18.  I've always held myself to a high standard, and tried to live my life by example; I've always tried to be an example to the people I've taught.  Turns out ... I've made an impact.

I am so humbled to read the anguish my leaving has brought on, to hear how much my kids (AND my adults!) will miss their weekly lessons with me.  I KNOW  I have a gift ... and I WILL use that gift again.  I have learned SO much from my wonderful boss; she has really helped to shape and mold my teaching style, and has gotten me to see things in a much more professional way.  She has been a mentor for me in my "actual" life, as well as for my professional life.

I think the reason I'm good at what I do is because I always put a piece of my heart into each and every soul I teach.  Sometimes those people end up sucking the life out of me.  More often than not, I feel an infusion of love and appreciation each time I teach them.  It's so nice to read how much that heart I give is appreciated. God has put me EXACTLY where I've needed to be all this time, and now He wants me to move on and focus on my own life a little more.  I've helped young girls grow into amazing women, and I've helped my fantastic teenagers to become horseman and really love themselves and their riding.

I wish I could articulate to each and every person that has sent me a sweet and touching letter how much you all mean to me.  It honestly breaks my heart a little bit to feel the pain my leaving has caused, but I KNOW I've given all of you the foundation you need to become amazing people, and amazing horsemen.  My heart is definitely fractured as a result of walking away from this life, but I know my path has taken a turn, and I have to follow it!  I will remember all of you fondly, and I MEAN it when I say CALL ME, TEXT ME, E MAIL ME, I'm here for you:)  We live in an amazingly connected world these days, and I plan to take advantage of it!  I love you guys.  Thank you for the memories.  Thank you for the life lessons.  Thank you for shaping ME into the woman I am today.  I have learned as much from you all as you have from me.  I am forever grateful to have had the opportunity to teach your children how to love horses, and how to love themselves.  Godbless!!!!!

Liebster award!

I am always so honored and surprised when someone nominates my blog for any of the bloggosphere awards because I feel like I keep more of a journal than a blog so much :)  It makes me happy that people enjoy reading about my adventures, and find my endless ramblings amusing on some level.  Emmie at http://mylifeonhorses.blogspot.com nominated me for a Liebster award, much obliged!

How to Accept the Award
The Liebster Blog Award is a way to recognize blogs that have less than 200 followers. Liebster is a word in German that means beloved and valued. Here are the rules for accepting the award:

1. Thank the person that nominated you and include a link back to their blog.
2. List 11 random facts about yourself.
3. Answer the 11 questions given to you.
4. Create 11 questions for the bloggers you nominate.
5. Choose 11 bloggers with 200 or fewer followers to nominate and include links back to their blogs.
6. Go to each blogger's page and let them know you have nominated them

11 random facts about me:

1.  I danced in the Opening Ceremonies of the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta.   It was one of the most exciting things I've ever done!

2.  The ONLY reality show I would ever consider trying out for would be "The Amazing Race".

3.  I've driven an automatic transmission vehicle now for the last 12 years.  I really miss having a manual!

4.  I'm a little bit addicted to Sudoku puzzles

5.  I would MUCH rather clean stalls than clean my house.

6.  I'm a dog person.

7.  I'm going to begin training for a triathlon once I get moved to California!

8.  I'm not much for drinking.  Not even wine.  If you CAN get me to drink, it's usually a margarita/fruity frou frou type drink.

9.  The day before we leave GA for CA is my 14th wedding anniversary.

10.  I'm more of a mountain girl rather than a beach girl.

11.  When I was young (and arguably dumb) I preferred my horses the bigger the better.  I'm 5'2.  Now?  I WILL own an eventing pony some day!;)

Here are 11 Questions I Made for You!

1. You are stuck on a deserted island, what is the first thing you do?

I guess I would try and find a source for fresh water!

2. You meet a stranger, he offers you two pills. He says the green one will take you on an amazing adventure although it may have dangerous/deadly consequences or he says you can take the yellow which will make you forget any of this ever happened. Which would you take? Why?

Wow!  This is so hard!  I guess it depends on what my reality is.  I always said if the "Matrix" were real, I would rather stay in the Matrix and live my life as a fantasy in my little pod thing rather than 'actually' live in the harsh reality of that world.

3. Would you rather own a unicorn or a pegasus?

Pegasus, for sure!

4. What was your most memorable experience you and your horse shared?

Competing Novice for the first time at the KHP.  BEST time ever of my entire life.  Can't wait to do it again some day!

5. What is a riding discipline you have always wanted to try? Why? ie. barrel racing, steeple chasing etc.

I'd like to ride a cutting or a reigning horse some day.

6. What was your favorite toy from your childhood?

My Breyer horses!

7. If you show, what was your most favorite ribbon/award you earned?

My beautiful yellow May Daze ribbon for previously mentioned first Novice outing!

8. You are at a bar (or restaurant if you are under 21!) what drink would you order?

Texas Margarita!

9. How many siblings do you have?

One brother and one sister, both younger

10. What is your favorite time of the year?

Spring and Fall.  Fall probably trumps Spring because the temps can be just a little less humid and muggy :)

11. Which do you like short horses or tall horses?

I don't ever need to own a horse taller than 16 hands.  But I like to think I don't discriminate based on height!

11 questions from me:

1.  When you ride, do you cross train disciplines?  Meaning, have you ever slapped a western saddle on your hunter?  Taken your eventer to the hunter ring?  Done a dressage show with your endurance Arab?  

2.  TV watcher or no?

3.  Smart phone, or not smart phone?

4.  Are you a neat freak?  Or does a little dust on the picture frames not bother you?

5.  If you could live ANYWHERE in the entire world, where would it be?

6.  If you had an hour of down time... would you take a nap, or go for a run?

7.  Do you color your hair?  Why or why not?

8.  Other than horses ... what would you consider your favorite activity?  Or hobby?

9.  Would you flat out gallop your horse in an open field?  Have you?

10.  Do you care if you're watching HD TV?  Or is it just your SO that cares?  Or do NEITHER of you care?

11.  Can you drive a trailer?  Are you comfortable doing it, or does it make your palms sweat?

11 blogs I give the Liebster award to!

1.  Amanda at http://afatgirlafathorse.blogspot.com/

2.  Amy at http://galsandhorses.blogspot.com/

3.  Alighieri at http://comediceventing.blogspot.com/

4.  Suzanne at http://confessionsofanaaer.blogspot.com/

5.  Cheri at http://golightlysporthorses.blogspot.com/

6.  Nicole at http://laughingdownthelines.blogspot.com/

7.  Suzie at http://pacificcoasteventing.blogspot.com/

8.  Holly at http://4stargazing.blogspot.com/

9.  Jennifer at http://buildingthegrove.blogspot.com/

10.  Stacey at http://teamtacot3d.blogspot.com/

11.  And finally, BAD EVENTER!  http://badeventer.blogspot.com/   

Here in the 11th hour ...

My favorite pic from our first show together!

There's finally a little action.  We move in 9 days.  NINE days. I've been preparing myself for the reality of moving Tiki 3000 miles across country since my barn owner is kicking us out, but it's beginning to look like maybe a little girl will get to love on him and spoil him :)  I've moved into actually wanting to sell him, believe it or not.  I was SO sad about my decision to put him up for sale, but upon reflection, I KNOW I'm making the right decision.  We are changing our life, and moving 3000 miles away ... on our own.  Paying our own way.  I have a responsibility to my family to get on top of my finances, and go back to school.  Paying for a horse at this point in my life is irresponsible; for all intents and purposes, I'm 18 years old again, just graduating HS with my entire life ahead of me.  Tiki has been tried by 2 ADORABLE 12 year old girls, and he would be PERFECT for either one of them; they just have to pony up the $$!  Praying we get things wrapped up by the weekend, because this is my LAST weekend in the state of GA.  Wow.

On the upside, having 3 people try him in 3 days means I've actually ridden the muffin 3 days in a row!  He has been a fantastic rockstar, really showing off his good side.  He's even thrown some nice, clean lead changes across a diagonal to prove he really CAN do them, good pony!

I've decided to continue this blog after I get moved ... because 4 Star Eventers will be 20 minutes away from where we'll be living.  I see some lessons in my future!  And I WILL have more horses; I want a pony some day.  And another OTTB.  Or 2, or 3;)  I take pleasure in the fact that I've transformed a skinny, terrified 5yo ottb to a mature, confident 10 year old.  I took him over his first jump, took him to his first show, and taught him trail riding is FUN.  Now I get to pass him along to someone that will love him just as much, if not even more than I do.  Thank you to any of my readers that have passed along his information, it was a hard decision that I'm finally good with.  I'm excited to continue sharing my adventure as I take this fork in the road of Life.  Hope you all are doing great!  I know I finally feel optimistic again instead of sad and terrified:)

Announcement!

First of all, had 2 GREAT rides this week so far!  I say so far because honorary little sis Nicole is flying in from NY to come ride this weekend!!!  Yay!!!  So I will see her on Sunday and hopefully ride.  I say hopefully because there is a 60% chance of tstorms ... :(

Secondly, the news you've all been waiting for!  If you're especially observant, I actually spilled the beans a few months ago, on the "about me" box to the right.  Drum roll ... we're moving to California.  This is the big, driving reason I'm trying to sell Tiki.  If he doesn't sell in the next 3 weeks, we will plan to take him with us, which will seriously put a damper on our travel plans.  We already have the 5 day route planned and mapped out ... taking Tiki will really mess that up because now we'll have to find places he can stay overnight.  Ugh, the STRESS of it all!  I've lowered his price by almost HALF my original asking price, HOPING someone will bite.  I can't let him go for nothing ... he's sound, young, experienced, and I've put SO much time and money into him.  It's not like I'm asking 100K for him ... 8K is incredibly reasonable, overly so!  I just don't have much time left.  So, if any of you know someone looking in GA ... PLEASE send them my way!

We're moving to Sacramento.  It's SO beautiful there.  There's actually a big eventing barn about 15 minutes from where we'll be living with board slightly lower than what I'm paying now.  That's where he'll live if he ends up coming with us.  If  he sells, I plan to still go out and hang out there and get to know Cali horse people, maybe even take a lesson here and there.  They're in the process of building a big xc course, so maybe I can get involved in that, do some volunteering and what not.

Rode the red head Monday, and he was just lovely.  I put on his cc saddle and the hunter bridle, which currently has the HS D-ring on it, and I literally did the ENTIRE ride as circle, reverse across diagonal, circle, reverse across diagonal, rinse and repeat.  Even at the canter I did this!  I've had to suck it up and ride with a crop the last few rides because the dressage trainer across the street has borrowed my spurs and has yet to return them ... so my legs are getting in some good exercise!  I HATE riding with a crop because it makes my arm stiff, but having to do it has made my arm a little better.  He started out a little on the stiff side because he's basically sat doing nothing for 2 weeks, but as per usual, he relaxed into the exercise and just got better and better.  At the canter, I halted across the diagonal, walked a few steps, then picked up the new lead.  That way he didn't stress about whether we were going to do a flying change, and he didn't get 'pulley'.  I had a single x-rail set up, and I cantered him over it, reversed, picked up the canter, circled, then cantered it off the opposite lead.  We both felt really good.  He didn't change to the jump, I counted down from 5, and all our distances were perfectly good and acceptable.  Love my boy!  He is so wonderful.  Jumped it probably 6 times then called it a day.

Today I slapped on the dressage tack, and we did some stuff in Star's pasture down in the front field.  He was a brat when I mounted, and I had to halt, back, then get off then back on again.  Star wasn't helping because she kept coming over and trying to investigate as I got on.  Fortunately, 2nd time he remembered his manners and we walked down towards the road.  After a brief time walking both directions, I went to the trot.  The fenceline is weird in that pasture, it's not straight, so I worked on sticking with a rectangular arena with nice, square corners, but I had to ride it off my eye.  Easier said than done!  Especially when a previously mentioned Morgan mare decides to come down with you and graze RIGHT in your way.  Alas, I was able to work around her, and did pretty well with my track.  I did some huge serpentines all over the pasture, working all the way from one end to the other.  I focused on his bend, his step, and the flexion ... he did great with it!  Heading towards the road, it's slightly downhill so he wanted to get a flat and quick, but I regulated my posting and half halted, and good to go!  I ended with a HUGE centerline exercise, basically trotting right up the center of the pasture.  There is SUCH a long centerline dong that!  I sat the trot, and did left shoulder-in, switch to left haunches-in.  Then come back, adding in a few circles along the way, and repeat right.  Then do it again, this time L S-I to R S-I and back again.  Then, pick up canter straight on centerline, circle, come back to centerline, walk simple change, and circle other way.  That was HARD.  The area I was asking him to circle on was very uneven, and I'll be DANGED if the boy didn't feel AWESOME.  Light, balanced, and just full of try and effort.  I did that a total of 3 times, then let him be done.  Awesome day, I will be sore tomorrow!  If we don't get rained out Sunday, I want to jump a little bit :)

Healing

Tiki loves his kitty

Well, it's been a week since literally laying Timbre in the ground, and my heart has finally stopped outright hurting.  I kept it together pretty well for the most part, and I'm finally adjusting to my "new normal".  I have 2 other "fur babies" that need my time and attention, and I can't dwell on my feelings of loss with regard to my wonderful partner of 14 glorious years.  I HAD that time with him, I got to send him over the bridge on MY terms, and my MIL is concentrating on making his grave a beautiful memorial to his life.

I didn't ride at all last week.  I've been feeling a little bit overwhelmed, and if I'm being honest with myself, a little bit depressed.  I vowed to shake it off this week, and for the most part I have.  Put out a 'paid' ad for Tiki, and lowered his price on my sale blog page, and I'm finally starting to get a few nibbles.  STILL praying as hard as I can for a teeny tiny lottery win so he can continue to be mine, but barring that, trying to motivate myself to market him a little more aggressively.  Soon, y'all will find out the main reason I'm sacrificing a large chunk of my happiness, but first there are still moving parts that need to be finalized.  Soon, my friends:)

I rode the gorgeous red head yesterday and today.  Put on the dressage tack, and employed once again a Jeff Cook type flatwork exercise.  He was out at PWF last weekend, and I audited all day on Saturday.  I just love him.  I WISH so much I could have ridden in it, but hey ... I got to watch!  I focused on using half the arena at the time, paying lots of attention to his straightness and my track, and his bend as I approached the fence.  He felt VERY stiff on the right rein.  Left, all felt light and lovely.  Right, I felt like we both were struggling a little bit.  To be fair to him, I also have not done much at all exercise wise in the last 2 weeks, so I probably wasn't much of a help to him.  I INSISTED that he maintain his flexion through the poll, and closed my legs every step to squeeze out of him as much movement as he could give me.  A friend borrowed my spurs, so I was riding sans any artificial aids!! :0

I rode him for probably 40 minutes, just doing the half arena exercise and going back and forth, and LOTS of circles.  I trotted several poles and worked on maintaining rhythm and power.  Rather than cantering a bunch, I worked trot/canter/trot transitions.  At the end, I was pretty pleased.  He settled into a nice and steady contact, and gradually that right side loosened up and I felt like he was more willing to bend his body rather than tilt that head.  Success!

Today we just walked hills.  Nothing fancy!  He was pretty forward considering I was still spur-less.  I actually dropped my stirrups on the uphill and sat hard, opened my hands to encourage him to breakover at the poll, and used my seat to create as much energy as possible.  On each downhill, I halted and backed a few steps to work on building up that back end, ALWAYS!  Finished with a nice long rein hack through half the pasture, and gave him a bath.  His coat looks so great right now, I love that deep copper color.  Here's to moving forward:)

The empty corner

Timbre 1999-2013

As I stare into the empty corner of the room, I feel as though I can't breathe.  Cold and flat, the memories assail my senses one at the time.  It's an innocent thing; a 12"X24" corner of plain white carpet ... what's missing is a teal blue foam bed.  Upon that bed, a piece of my heart slept EVERY night.  Tonight will be the first time since living in my house that the corner is empty.

The first memory to hit me like a shocking, cold wave is that moment when he left me.  Wide eyes, head up, and a piercing keening wail.  Startled, the vet looked right into my eyes and reassured me he didn't feel anything, this was just nerves.  As the wail drifted away like the sound of a far off siren, his mouth closed and he was gone.  The next wave was of him slinking off his bed, head hanging in shame.  Large brown eyes gazed sadly into mine as the scent of his shame filled my nostrils. At that moment, I felt my heart crack.

As reality began to haze over, the waves began to roll in more gently.  That moment when my life was changed inexorably as my brand new husband of 2 months proudly deposited the tri-colored ball of fluff into my lap.  I was so shocked and surprised, my eyes filled with tears of happiness and I knew great things were to come.  Learning how to sit/stay/rollover/play dead/dance/come made the days go by quickly.  The fuzzy little fur ball gradually grew into a 50 pound model of perfection.  Perfectly fluffed double coat, a unique mohawk that lined his nose, and perky ears that simply flopped over and made him so completely and perfectly MINE.  He was my shadow, my protector, and my companion.  Together, we made a life and made memories to last a life time.

Playing fetch on the beach, trail blazing an impossible path at Little River Canyon, straining against his harness at full strength, running down the Silver Comet trail while I wobbled behind him on roller blades ... preening under the admiring stares of people on the crowded streets of Helen, awkwardly attempting to swim at Clark's Hill, and sniffing our newborn son while looking at me with a knowing eye.  Timbre was a piece of my heart, a spirit that completed the entire soul of my being, an unconditional love that never failed me one time.

As the harsh, ragged sound of his breaths gave way to the gentle sounds his lungs used to make, I was reminded of the Christmas my parents bought their first box of dog treats.  Lifelong "cat" people, Timbre was the first "grand dog", and they embraced him with love and compassion.  He showed my parents, my in-laws, and my friends the same unconditional love and respect he showed me.  Timbre won over anyone that spent a moment with him, he was a very special canine.  I believe animals are angels here on earth to protect us, give us unconditional love, and to complete our souls.  Sadly, there will be many of them to fill that role; our lifespan is just so much longer than theirs, but they teach us how to open our OWN hearts, and help us to give that same unconditional love in our own lives.  Timbre was my first, but he isn't my last.  He helped me to think of someone other than myself first, to put his needs before my own.

As I stare into the empty corner of the room, I feel myself begin to breathe again.  I would go on this journey again, 100 times over, even knowing how it all ends.  Because life is all about the journey, and my journey with Timbre was absolutely one of the BEST things about my life to date.  Run in Peace, Timbre.  I hope I get to be with you again when God calls me home to be with Him.

Timbre and Kody, best buds

You fought the good fight, buddy.  Love you forever.

Garnering compliments!

All dressed up for his first lesson with Gigi Nutter

Decided to go with a dressage school in Star's pasture today.  The footing was fantastic in the field, and even though Star LOVES to continuously creep closer and closer to us while we're working, he was remarkably good.

Before I ever picked up a trot, I did some leg yields and circles.  He is so lovely and forward in the pasture, I never have to nag him when we're out there.  Unlike the other day, he didn't trip once today, yay!  I swear, he forgets where his feet are sometimes when he's not in the ring.  Upon picking up the trot, he tried to drift closer and closer to his "mare", but I put my leg on and rode him forward into the contact.  If you've never tried to keep a horse straight in a rolling field with no fence ... try it some time:)  It's dang hard!  I did lots of circles, lots of nice tight figure 8's, and some quality work doing shoulder-in and haunches-in.  The first few times I did haunches-in, I lost his shoulders.  Moving forward, I focused on keeping his body straight, then moved his haunches off the track.  Good Muffin!

When I transitioned up to the canter, it was light, lovely, and beautiful!  I engaged in some circles, leg yields, and asked for a L-R change.  Fail.  Back to left lead, asked again, got half.  Back to trot, back to left lead, asked, nothing, asked again, clean change.  No more changes!  Back to trot, did some transitions to 1 or 2 steps of walk then back to trot, and popped off a few small figure 8's changing leads through the walk.  Other than a hand full of scrambling into the canter, the transitions were superb considering we were in a pasture ... with a horse in it!  LR will come out this weekend hopefully, but I will probably ride tomorrow.  Not sure yet what we will do, I'll figure it out tomorrow!

The compliments I was referring to is a boarder that hasn't seen Tiki in a while commenting on how much better he moves now.  She says he's like a different horse:)